If you want to turn left, you use this.  To reverse, you press this. To make the seat higher, press this.

Learning to drive requires memorizing a sequence of functions and symbols. A good thing to avoid are those invisible buttons within the hapless instructor.

Slow down. SLOW DOWN. SLOW DOWN!

Gripping the handle above the passenger window ( now I know what it’s there for ), I am a jittery jerk and… I’m off coffee.

I sneak a glance over at my kid, a wisp in this beast of a car, with her own tight grip on the wheel. Everything I see ahead of us in the windshield appears menacing.

It doesn’t take much for her to push all the wrong buttons on my internal dashboard.

You’re too close. Stay over. Oh my god, stay OVER ! ( Scream) 

Lesson aborted, the angry fumes follow us into the house.

You’re crazy!  

It’s a fair charge, I think, breathing heavily and muttering a long series of fu—zzy  wazzy was a bear. Not really but you get the gist.

I’m Mr. Bean with a blonde wig and a nervous twitch, a mewing cow, yelping with every lurch of the car.

I have newfound compassion for Scott, the intolerant driving instructor in Happy-G0-Lucky* 

At least she doesn’t have to drive here: Traffic at the world’s craziest intersection

Wish me luck, or share your tips. Yes, she’s done all the classes, the in car lessons. We’ve moved on to plain old practice.  Calm, more than ready for this next step, my kid is not the problem.

It’s her nervous ninny of a mom.

And don’t suggest her Dad. I’m the one who works from home which makes me available for these bumpy rides.

That makes videos like this catnip for me: Roads that are more poetic, interactive and sustainable

If you haven’t seen this flick, you’re missing out. One of my favourites.